Saturday, May 2, 2009



GAG ME WITH A TOON, not the mold, but the twin!

It’s the second go-round for this glorious show in which pop cartoon art is all that we know. The original rocked but what shall we do it’s time to install what we call GAG TWO?

How is it HARDER? Because of the people whom we have corralled under our ink-stained steeple. These artists are strong and accepted the task of eclipsing what we have recently passed!

How is it FASTER? We tempted the fates and shortened the time in-between GAG ME dates!

How is it RADDER? Is that even a word? I’ll leave that to Webster and remain undeterred to exhort you and your cronies to meet in the rear of the place we call Meltdown in the fifth month of the year where we shall show you dangers and demons, cereal mascots and spinach-filled sea men, double the lions that form into knights, brilliant blue dwarves and robotic lights.

We’ve multiplied madness and aggrandized our art, now it is up to you to come do your part! Drink with two fists and view with two eyes this wonderful show that is littered with lies. But this is line is truth, lest I burn in the fire; within these walls you’ll find much to admire.

GAG ME WITH A TOON NUMBER TWO is the name! Don’t hate on this sequel. It’s not more of the same.
Contemporary Confabulations of Childhood Cartoons Curated by Steven Daily MAY 2, 2009 @ MELT GALLERY AT MELTDOWN 7522 SUNSET BLVD, L.A., CA, 90046
doors open at 7 pm motherfucker! super secret preview at 6 pm!

Featuring new work from the minds of:


so yeah, there you have it. this is what i have been spending the last 2 or 3 weeks working on. i am still in shock. do you ever look around and say "how the fuck did i get here"? well, this is that moment for me. this is my "what the hell am i doing in this show?" moment. this is such a ridiculously sick show. i am surrounded by so many artists that i look up to, and i am so honored to be a part of it. i don't know if any of you made it out to the first one last year, but it was sick as all hell. this year is shaping up to be even better! so come and check out the show and chill if you are in the area. the gallery is in the back of Meltdown Comics (which is always a blast to stroll through). this one should be a good time.

i also wanted to share my 2 pieces in the show with you guys. they are both inspired by He-Man/Masters of the Universe.

the first one is Mantenna. if you don't remember him, here is what he looks like:

and here is what he looks like in my mind:

Title of piece: Mantenna
Size of artwork: 8 3/16” x 10 1/4”
Size of frame: 11 3/4” x 13 3/4”
Medium: pen and ink and watercolor on watercolor paper

next up is Mer-Man. if you don't remember what he looked like, here is a picture:

and here is what he looks like in my mind:

Title of piece: Mer-Man
Size of artwork: 8 3/16” x 10 1/4”
Size of frame: 11 3/4” x 13 3/4”
Medium: pen and ink and watercolor on watercolor paper

so yeah, like i said earlier, if you are in the area tomorrow night swing by and check out the show. from the sneak peeks i have seen of some of the other pieces, this one is gonna be some pure hot sickness. if you can't make it tomorrow, the show will be up for about a month.

ok, i gotta go eat something. getting light headed. hasta la chupa!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Beastie Beastie Boys Gettin’ Live On The Spot!!!!

2008 was a strange year. 2009 is shaping up to be even weirder.

a year or two ago, if you would have told me about some of the shows and some of the people i am going to be working with in 2009, i probably wouldn't have believed you. i probably would have dismissed you as a crazy fucker and gone back to playing tetris or petting my dead deer's hoof. and while there are quite a few other "high profile" art shows coming up, my current favorite and the one that makes me step back and jump around and say "OH MY GOD THAT'S THE FUNKY SHIT!" is taking place this Thursday, January 8th, from 7 - 10 pm at Gallery 1988 Los Angeles (corner of Melrose and La Brea). what is it that makes me so excited, you ask? korean porn! what else? well, i am part of a show that is a tribute to the beastie boys! yup, the same 3 guys you remember from the 80's and 90's. the original white rappers. the guys who brought you such lyrics as "i got more rhymes than Phyllis Diller" and "just give him some wood and he'll build you a cabinet". the ones who have been sampled across genre after genre of music (my favorite is Prodigy's song "Funky Shit". my 2nd favorite is one of E-40's songs called "The Story" which loops part of Paul Revere). oh, and please don't think this is just some bullshit show that someone threw because they really like the beastie boys (even though the gallery DOES) and the beasties have no idea about the existence of this show. the key ingredient to this show is the ACTUAL beastie boys' extensive participation and blessing (with widespread rumors of their attendance as well!). i am super stoked on this show, it is one of those where i look around and say "how the fuck did i end up here?". i do that sometimes. this time i will most likely be wearing pants, a moustache, and a hat.

anyways, here is the official announcement about the show. please come and check it out if you get a chance. or at least cruise by after the show's opening night since it will be up for a few weeks...

Gallery 1988:LA PresentsUNDER THE INFLUENCE: An Official Tribute To BEASTIE BOYSOpening Reception Thursday, January 8, 2009 7-10 p.m.
Beginning with a January 8 opening reception and running through January 29, Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles will present UNDER THE INFLUENCE: An Official Tribute To BEASTIE BOYS.
UNDER THE INFLUENCE is an all-original collection of works inspired by the music of Beastie Boys, with participating artists from all over the country, including Alex Pardee (SF), Axis (L.A.), Dave Flores (Santa Barbara), El Maz (L.A.), Jason D'Aquino (NY), Plush artist Jen Rarey (KC), Le Merde (Portland), Mark Brown (Idaho), Matt Dangler (NJ), Mear One (L.A.), Roland Tamayo (L.A.), Scott Schiedly (FL), Tristan Eaton (NY) and literally dozens more. A complete listing of participating artists can be found at
A portion of this show's proceeds will benefit Gramercy Housing Group ( )
Gallery 1988 is located at 7020 Melrose Ave Los Angeles CA 90038
cool shit, huh? the funny thing about the beastie boys is that i wasn't a huge fan of their work growing up. i am a convert and somewhat late arrival to the party. i, of course, knew their mainstream stuff but i was limited more to the songs you heard on the radio at the time. i focused my energy more towards cool shit like def leppard and guns n' roses in the 80's. then the 90's came and gangsta rap/industrial music/raver shit was essential listening for my ear holes. but then a few years ago i went back and picked up several of their albums and gave them all a listen to, and i realized just how awesome that shit was!!!!! being older and "discovering" them, i think i was able to gain a deeper appreciation for their word play and how they switch off from MC to MC during songs. i saw them at a little 500 person show about a year and half ago here in LA, and the show was 100% pure dopeness. add mix master mike to it all, and you have a recipe for some sickness.

as for my piece in the show, i wanted to share it with you and your respective eyeballs. i had a really really hard time nailing down something i thought would represent the group and their artistic influence, etc. i didn't want to draw the 3 beasties because when i draw people they turn out like Corky from Life Goes On and i thought the guys would be insulted by that. so i listened to a bunch of songs, read a ton of lyrics, and came up with my take on the line "Like ma bell, i've got the ill communications". this allowed me to incorporate a lot of the random lyrics that i love, along with imagery from that line, as well as a nod to some of their other songs and videos (note the briefcase, the gun, the disheveled professional appearance, etc). it's kinda like a toxic Ma Bell meets that movie "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas. the aged die hard beastie boy fan who had a real fucked up day...or is about to have one...or is about to make someone else have one. it makes sense in my head, and that's all that matters.

so here is my artwork for the show. if you get to see it in person make sure you check out the hand-painted/rusted out frame that i did as well.

i can't get this motherfucking picture to display properly on here, so just click it and it should open up nice and big as i intend it to be seen. fuckin stupid thing.

and here is the info for the piece:

Title: "like ma bell, i've got the ill communications"
Medium: Pen and ink and acrylic paint on watercolor paper
Size of Artwork: 12 1/16" x 16 1/16"
Size of Frame: 14 5/16" x 18 5/16"

if you have any interest in owning it, touching it, or licking it please shoot an email over to Jensen at consider this a pre-preview

thanks for reading this far. you are cool. so is Lavar Burton because he taught me how to read.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

i'm not dead yet...

contrary to popular belief.

i've just been hibernating. working on commissions and goodies for upcoming art shows, etc. more updates (with pictures of completed works and sneak peeks, etc) to come soon.

in the meantime, i am in the Stan Lee tribute art show at Gallery 1988 called "Under the Influence". the show opens on tuesday, 1.8.08. you can read about it on their blog here:

you should attend the show. it's gonna be Martin Lawrence in the 90's crazy. plus, if you don't attend the show, Pinnochio will come to your house and skullfuck you with his erect nose.

until next time,

Thursday, July 5, 2007

I am the door

good afternoon friends. i just got back from a whirlwind trip to San Francisco for the opening of the "Back for Seconds" group show at Gallery 1988. the show runs until July 28th, so if you are in the area stop in and check out the cool artwork.

i had 5 pieces in the show. 3 of the 5 sold on opening night, so i am super stoked on that. it is the first time i have had a piece sell on the opening night (or during the preview) of a show, so i must be doing something right. the first one (The Birth) is the original drawing for the ava shirt. the 2 remaining from the set of 5 that are still available for purchase are "The Birth" and "A Family Photo". If you are interested in owning either of them, please contact Katie at Gallery 1988SF at

here are the 5 pieces i had in the show. please make sure to click on the pictures so they open up nice and big in their correct sizes.

Title: The Birth
Medium: Pen and Ink on watercolor paper
Size of artwork: 9.5" x 12.5"
Size of frame: 11" x 14"
Price: $156

Title: All Fishermen Are Liars
Medium: Pen and Ink & Acrylic Paint on watercolor paper
Size of artwork: 8" x 14"
Size of frame: 8" x 14"
Price: SOLD

Title: A Family Photo
Medium: Pen and Ink & Acrylic Paint on watercolor paper
Size of artwork: 9.5" x 12.5"
Size of frame: 11" x 14"
Price: $206

Title: The Separation
Medium: Pen and Ink & Acrylic Paint on watercolor paper
Size of artwork: 8" x 14"
Size of frame: 8" x 14"
Price: SOLD

Title: True Knowledge Lies Within
Medium: Pen and Ink & Acrylic Paint on watercolor paper
Size of artwork: 9.5" x 12.5"
Size of frame: 11" x 14"
Price: SOLD

ok, now onto one more fun thing. as stated in a previous post, i did a t-shirt design for the company 70*7 to benefit the wish for ava charity. pictures of the shirt and a link will be at the bottom of this post to refresh your memories.

now, i have worked it out with the company that for every shirt that someone buys, their name will be entered into a raffle. one shirt = one entry, five shirts = five entries. i am asking that the company (70*7) hold the raffle and pull one winning name.

what will the winner get, you ask? original artwork from me. i will do up a nicely detailed pen and ink drawing with a soft acrylic color wash over it framed up all nicey nice in a frame. the size of the drawing will be somewhere in the 8" x 10" range. it will be in the same style as the colorful ones at the beginning of this post. i am heavily booked, so i only ask for about 3 months to be able to complete the drawing (and give the winner the devoted time and effort that they deserve). i am excited for this raffle, and i hope that you are too.

now here is the info for the shirt:

this is a limited run of only 70 shirts. it is up for sale and now available thru 70*7

the price of the shirt is $30. half of the proceeds ($15 per shirt) go to the awishforava charity. the charity money will be used to help out ava's parents with medical bills and to go towards research for neuroblastoma.

it's a bit hard to get the full vibe on the design on the site, so here it is in it's original format:

and here is some guy i don't know wearing the shirt:

enjoy. and good luck to you all,

Friday, June 1, 2007

Corporate Acquisition

well, my painting for the upcoming Cereal Killers show is completed. i just picked it up from the framers and dropped it off at Monkeyhouse Toys last night. this is shaping up to be quite a good show. as promised, here are some pictures of it. please make sure to click on the pictures so they open up nice and clear and in their correct sizes.
and here are some individual, close up pictures of the different characters, etc.

the title is "Corporate Acquisition". the picture measures 8" x 16" (that was before the frame was put on there, it is somewhere close to 10"X18" with the frame on). it was painted on wood panel using acrylic paints. the painting features my twist on toucan sam (Fruit Loops) as well as the remnants of the trix rabbit (Trix). i have been asked why the rabbit has a handlebar moustache? because he is dapper, that is why. and why does the toucan have the body of a snake? too much sugar clearly fucks your body up, that is why.

the price of this piece is $700. if you have any interest in owning this painting, contact Mayra at Monkeyhouse Toys. her email is

opening night of the show is June 9th from 4 to 8pm down in Silverlake. if you are in the area, i highly recommend dropping by. i will be there hanging out and wearing a Phil Specter wig.

other things of interest: make sure to befriend me on myspace so i can try and sell you porn. here is my link: i am currently attempting to cyber-collect as many midgets as possible. little people? dwarves? what do they want to be called? so far i have only been successful with one or two of them. i think their keen eyesight alerts them that i am not truly 2'9". i am also awaiting approval to be admitted into the LPA myspace group. keep your fingers crossed for me!

keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times,


Friday, May 25, 2007

over halfway there

after hours and hours and hours of listening to my ipod on random/shuffle, i am very happy to announce that i have broken the halfway point of songs. i am currently on song 2697 out of 5077. at this pace, i should reach the last song some time in 2019.

onto the fun stuff. i am more-or-less finished with my painting for the upcoming Cereal Killers show on June 9th at Monkeyhouse Toys. here is the flier:

Holy shit, my name is on another flyer! My painting for this show is 8" x 16", acrylic on wood panel. it will be framed and will look all nicey-nice. the painting is my interpretation of Toucan Sam and the Trix Rabbit. in my opinion, this piece represents some of my strongest work so far. once i get it varnished and get some good photos, i will post them up for you guys. it will also be available to purchase through the gallery for anyone who is interested in owning a sliver of my soul.

my shirt for ava should be coming out sometime soon through 70*7. i don't know the exact date, so keep an eye out. in order to help boost the sales, i am thinking of doing a raffle from all the people who purchase one of my shirts(and are interested in entering the drawing). the winner would receive a pen and ink drawing by me. it depends on how much time i have, but right now this very minute it sounds like a good idea. don't quote me on it yet.

this summer is shaping up to be busy. i will be part of a smaller group show at gallery 1988 in SF at the end of June. i will be doing 4 or 5 affordably priced pen and ink drawings (each will be 9" x 12" or so) for this show. then, SDCC in July. then Vegas in August. i have been getting a few inquiries about Comic Con. as far as i know, i will be there (barring any unforeseen circumstances) wednesday through saturday. at this time, i do not have any scheduled signing times with any specific companies. if you are a company and you are interested in having me stop by and sign or sketch at your booth, just drop me an email and we can set up a specific time and date. and if you are not a company, but you want me to sign or sketch for you, just feel free to come up, introduce yourself to me, and ask for a sketch. it should be good times this year, all of the other years have been a blast.

ok, i think that is all for now. i have to take my dog to the vet in a few minutes. he is being evaluated for gender reassignment surgery. it's expensive, but he feels like it will make him have a happier and fuller life.

don't let MADD stop your good times,

Friday, May 4, 2007

Vinyl Toy Network this Sunday

good afternoon my fellow janitors and janitettes. just wanted to stop by and inform you that i will be making an appearance at the Vinyl Toy Network this Sunday, May 6th. check out the flier.

looks awesome, huh? look closely, you will see my name on there. super stoked about that. the best i usually get on fliers is a mention of "and other artists"( which includes me and like 12,000 other people).

to anyone who cares, i will be arriving around 11 or 11:30 in the morning. i will be hanging out and signing/drawing for people for a couple of hours. unfortunately i can't make it an all day thing, cuz i gots work to do, son. i have a bunch of upcoming projects that i need to sit down and work out some ideas for. so, i figure, what better place to do it than in your sketchbooks, right? i will be bringing a pencil and an eraser. and maybe a pencil sharpener. maybe one or two pens for quick vinyl signatures. and possibly a crayon. and a mascara brush. so if you're down with pencil drawings from me, then hop in line and be prepared for a small wait (i tend to take my time and work somewhat slowly). also, be prepared for me to take pictures of what i drew in your book, so i can remember it later on when i try to re-draw it for a project. and feel free to bring me fortune cookies to snack on, so i can keep up my energy.

you can read more about the show here:

i was eating pizza while typing this entry and i got grease all over the keyboard. man...they are gonna be pissed when they see this. i am gonna have to switch keyboards with my co-worker and blame her for it. anyways, see you sunday for those who can make it.

Paz de Maz

Friday, April 27, 2007

step back cuz i'm a jet black ninja

conventional thought tells us that if you flip a coin, 50% of the time it will come up heads and 50% of the time it will come up tails. i have recently hired Dr. Charles Epps to investigate this statement. turns out that 53% of the time it will come up heads, and only 47% of the time it will be tails. you can confirm this by watching that show Numbers. or eating goat cheese.

i just got a phone call. turns out that i didn't get tickets for jeopardy. oh well. i liked alex trebek better when he had a moustache. he seems quite pompous without it. little known fact: his dad was a fireman who was killed by smoky the bear as part of a twisted love triangle.

here is a t-shirt design i did for a very sick little girl named ava awhile back. it is getting ready to be released thru the company 70 star 7
here is their website:
check them out when you get a chance. they are an awesome company and donate a lot of money to a lot of great causes.
to read more about ava, check out her website
unfortunately she passed away last week. she was 3.5 years old

i am not sure on the release date of the shirts yet. a good friend of mine from Brazil, Henry, has the honors of the first shirt in the run. it is up and available for purchase now. for my design, we are going to do a larger run(from the standard 70) to try and get more money for ava's charity. keep your eyes peeled as my shirts will eventually be available. of course, i will keep you posted.

here are 2 pictures. one is my original design(so you can see it clearly) and the other is the design printed up on the shirt(a mock up). make sure to click on the picture so it opens up nice and big in a new window. please excuse the pixelation on the design. i promise it is much clearer in person, i just didnt want to post a hi-res image on here.

i hope you enjoy it. $15 of every shirt that is sold goes to the wish for ava charity.

ok...i am done with the serious shit for now. i should go back to work. i will have more artwork to show off sometime soon. i am scheduled to be involved in a couple of different artshows over the next few months. i have a few interviews i have to do(that i am 98% sure i won't take seriously and will end up babbling about glo-worms and tibetan monkeys). i also should have an advertisement for "el maz" coming out in clutter magazine. although, for the life of me, i am not entirely sure why i bought advertising space or what the hell i am advertising. my 8-bit piece is still available. you should buy it. for it will give you protection against bridge trolls. bridge trolls have been known to eat your eyelids. i can not be held accountable for your inactions or your future inability to blink.

always remember, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend El Maz,

Friday, April 20, 2007

8-bit hangover

so, the opening of the 8-bit show was tuesday night. word on the street is there were 1400 people in attendance that evening. if you ask me and my masters engineering degree in people counting, it felt more like 1538. i am attempting to perfect the art of crowd snorkeling and will keep you posted on my advances in that field. the temperature inside was 156.9 degrees fahrenheit. don't ask me what the celsius measurement was, because i don't live in europe and if i did i would wear a beret and grow a goatee and sip capuccino between the hours of 9 am and 11 am. the temperature outside of the show was a very snuggly 14 degrees, and the wind was a mild 370 miles per hour. behind the back lot, there was a large group of people betting on tumbleweed races. i won 12 bucks on "stickles". he just looked like he was built for speed. sadly, during his victory lap he was run over by a cadillac escalade driven by the ghost of ODB. R.I.P. Mr. Stickles, you magnificent flat bastard.

so, where to start? the show was obviously a huge success. the level of work in this show is insane. the show will be running until May 12th, so if you get a chance i highly recommend you head down there and check out the fantastic work in person. i also recommend that you eat at La Brea Bakery and have dessert at Pinkberry. i don't recommend that you shop at Cantoni's, because you will be pissed that you can't afford a 10,000 dollar couch. IF you do decide to check out the show in person, there are two things you will need to bring with you. first, you need diapers, because just glancing at these beauties will make you shit your pants. your bowels will turn to liquid ooze and your ass will explode like a sickly poodle with dysentary. second, you will need one of those crazy shadow boxes with a tiny pinhole in it used by 8 year olds to watch solar eclipses. you can not stare at the sheer magnificence of this show without this viewing device. you will blind yourself, and your eyeballs will most likely partially melt and then fall out. you have been warned. we are not liable for your actions.

if you can not make it down to the show in person, i recommend you check out pictures on gallery 1988's website of available pieces to purchase here:
you can also email the gallery at to check the availability of any pieces you are interested in buying. my painting is currently available for purchase(scroll down to my previous post from 4.17.07 to see my painting for this show). if you buy it, then i can buy a pony. and a daniel boone hat.

i ran into quite a few people at the show. i was finally lucky enough to meet Roland Tamayo who is a serious up-and-coming artist. his intricate work on backgrounds and layouts is fucking nuts. i also got to meet Paul Chatem who had a killer piece called "pac it in". this dude's characters are ridiculously sick. chatted it up with Steven Daily for a bit until i lost him somewhere in the crowd. i was stoked to have my piece hanging right above his in the show. spent some time chatting with my good buddy Craola and his wife Jenn. always nice to catch up with them. they are probably the nicest two people i have ever met. ran into Joe Ledbetter out back who paid me some serious compliments on my piece. fuckin blew me away! an artist i have respected for quite some time offering his respect to me and my work. way cool stuff.

there were plenty of cameras and interviews going on inside the show. G4, MTV, coin op tv, vinyl pulse, and i believe a few others were all there. i was interviewed by a couple of them. i am sure i sounded like a complete retard due to my inability to hear myself think and my extreme A.D.D. i was having a good time changing my name every time i was interviewed. on tuesday my "real name" was Jiminy McDean, Joseph Schulmann, and Gregory Vance. be on the lookout for those 3 guys. one of them owes me 20 bucks.

the first video(done by Vinyl Pulse and Ace Carrero) is up on you tube here:
the video features me looking very cool in my stolen wheelchair. sometimes you gotta rough up those paraplegics so they know their place. i didn't want to do it, but it had to be done. he was just too smug.

further coverage of the show is available at these places:
good article at the los angeles times:,0,1427190.story?coll=cl-home-more-channels


this dude has a cool slide show of the artwork:

ok, i have rambled long enough. always remember to respect potty time. congratulations to jensen, katie, and jon on a great 8-bit show.

with all my love,
Joseph Schulmann

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

sixteen versus eight

good morning doorknobs and douchebags. and to all of my hacidic friends, good morning hebrews and shebrews.

i come here today to unveil my piece for the "I am 8-bit" show that opens tonight at Gallery 1988 on Melrose. the piece is titled "sixteen versus eight". it is a 13" x 17" acrylic painting on wood panel. it also has a custom frame, which brings the overall measurement close to 16" x 20". frame is not shown in this picture. the black outline is just my awesome illustrator skills that i learned from a guy named Pablo. and a lady named Lindsay.

please make sure to click on the picture so it will open up nice and big for you. the image is quite large, so remember to expand the picture even more to get more juicy goodness.

if for some reason the picture won't open up in a separate window, try this link:

inspirations: duck hunt, earthworm jim, super mario bros 1 and 2, tetris.

this will be available for purchase today. probably right now. or in a few minutes. or tonight. or tomorrow. buy it. so i can get a prosthetic arm. with one of those creepy metal pincher things on it. then i would go around and force people to shake my cold metal fingers when i meet them. and people would have to. because if they didn't they would look like assholes. the kind of assholes who are afraid of people with disabilities. and harelips.

never trust a man named todd,


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

18 words of wisdom from El Maz

thinking back on things i have learned over the past couple of years, i figure it might be worthwhile to offer some suggestions and advice for other artists. these are all things i have learned(usually the hard way)

1. before you do anything else, buy this book called "Graphic Artists Guild Handbook: Pricing & Ethical Guidelines (Graphic Artists Guild Handbook of Pricing and Ethical Guidelines). you can buy it at Amazon, here is the direct link:
there is so much info in here that i wish i had at my fingertips a year or two ago. it's about 22 bucks. pony up and buy it for god's sake.

2. always do work with a contract. a contract is your safety net(as well as your client's). if a company doesnt want to deal with contracts, you don't want to deal with them. plain and simple.

3. understand, and accept, that if you do enough work eventually somewhere along the way someone will fuck you. it has happened at least once to almost every artist i know. i don't wish it upon anyone, but the odds are that it will occur. the trick is to not get bummed out and walk away from everything just because you got burned. the best thing to do is to learn from that mistake and make sure you don't fall into the same trap again. i didn't follow my rule # 2, which is how i got dry-fucked on 2 separate occasions.

4. 99% of things in life are not free. even if you think they are free, they aren't! almost everything comes with strings attached. always be very wary when people are offering you free things or gifts. usually, that offer is followed up by a phone call or an email requesting you do an insane amount of work for little or no compensation/exposure.

5. it isn't always about money. every time you are approached for a project or an art show, you should weigh the positives vs. the negatives. i know this may seem like common sense, but several people i have talked to have made the mistake of chasing money and not doing what they really wanted to do. if you know that a project will end up providing a huge amount of exposure that will lead to more work, that may be more important in the long run than a couple extra bucks in the short-term.

6. you do not have to take every job that you are offered. even though some may seem like the chance of a lifetime, i have found that those chances will usually come back around again. careers are built over the long term reflected by a stack of solid work, not based upon one or two home-runs that you hit. it is your right to choose who you work with, what you work on, and when you will be working on it. try not to forget that.

7. learn how to promote the shit out of yourself. you are your own representative. you are your own advertising firm. whatever means you need to take in order to get your name and your work out there, then do it.

8. slowly build a clientele and a list of people who have purchased your artwork in the past or are just generally interested in your work(and hopefully owning some of it in the future). these people are your VIP's. always remember that they took a blind leap of faith on you when you were just starting out. a little contact with them goes a long way, even if it is just to drop a line to see how they are doing and to inform them(or show them sneak peeks) of your upcoming works. keeping a previous client satisfied is a lot easier than convincing new people to buy your work.

9. build, and sustain, a group of artists who you would consider to be your friends. help each other out. if someone contacts you to be in a show, and you know that 4 of your friends have been dying to do a similar show, give the gallery your friend's info and vice versa. if you have 5 people working towards a similar goal, it is far easier to reach that goal than when you try to do it all alone. plus, it is way cooler to be in a show with your friends than with pompous douchebags who don't have any interest in talking to you.

10. don't overbook yourself. i can't stress this one enough. it ties in with #6. turning down a job is far better than promising you will be involved in something and then having to back out at a later date due to time constraints. it ends up reflecting poorly on you and your work ethic.

11. never be afraid to network and meet new people. if you go to a new gallery, seek out the owners and introduce yourself to them. try stopping by on a slow day and chatting with them. word of mouth is a strong thing. i am not suggesting you be pushy, but getting to know them will help you in the long run. if you are shy(i frequently am) about your work, drop them an email at a later date and provide a few samples of your work. just let them know that if there is ever a group show in the future you would love to be included. and for god's sake, IF they do invite you to be in a show, pay attention to rule #10 and don't flake on them.

12. be careful who you align yourself with. sadly, if a company or a close friend of yours does some super shady shit, and you are known to be close with them, it can end up reflecting poorly upon you. of course, no one knows what the future can hold, but if a company has a tumultuous past you might think twice about aligning yourself with them.

13. your attitude goes a long ways. don't be that prick artist who has such a huge ego he can't be bothered talking to someone who admires what he does. if you suck at being sociable, then don't go to an event where you will be asked to sign and draw for people. simple. stay home and paint and hate the world. there are tens of thousands of talented people in this world. someone will always be more talented, more hot, more popular, and more busy than you are. unless you are chuck norris. he is the top of the food chain.

14. learn how to listen to criticism. note, i said listen to, not accept. everyone has an opinion, and if you are completely satisfied with your final product it doesn't truly matter what someone else has to say. most criticism is complete shit. but in some comments you can usually find something to learn from and grow from. i believe you can keep from being stagnant if you keep one ear open. but don't change who you are and what you do just because some jacknut told you to paint hands a certain way or that your style looks like so-and-so.

15. always be accessible. if someone writes you an email, try and respond within a reasonable time frame. it's common courtesy.

16. going to art school does not make you an artist.

17. understand that some promises are just empty promises. try not to get bummed out when a project falls thru or a company decides to go with a different artist. it happens. paying attention to rule #2 can oftentimes help with this problem, but not always.

18. never forget who you are, what your vision is, and where you want it to take you. don't be afraid to change things up now and then. never sacrifice your vision because of a project. take pride in yourself and what you do. oh, and make sure you eat lots of corn. and pulled-pork sandwiches. and always remember to floss.

thanks for stopping by,

Sunday, April 8, 2007

mutha fuckin right, pockets lookin kinda tight!

good evening ladies and elmer's glue eaters. i come bearing good news. i finally finished my 8-bit piece(late last night). 1000 songs later on my ipod. to make this fun i will intersperse random lyrics i hear as i type this blog(starting with the title). i don't believe i can post up a picture of my 8 bit piece just yet, but as soon as i can, i will.

"all my stitches itch, my prescription's low. i wish you were queen, just for today"

i have been listening to my ipod on random for the past 2 months or so. i am currently on song 1509 out of 5077. the rule is that i have to listen to them all without forwarding thru or skipping any of them. i figure if i was dumb enough to put them on my ipod in the first place, then i should have to suffer thru some of the god-awful filler tracks on some of my favorite cd's. and holy hell, there have been some bad ones(see: Probot).

"screamin like you dyin every time i'm fuckin you"

i also wrapped up 2 new designs for Rockstar Games. these are the skeletons of them, they will use whatever filler colors they choose. they are throw-ups (or throwies or whatever you feel like calling them) and will be plastered throughout the game to make it look like some little tiny video game Maz ran thru the town with a digital can of spray paint destroying all of the nice clean alleys. poor fake Los Angeles. poor fake people. hooray for fake boobies. sadly, i am still only a level 8 ninja, and that means that i still can not provide any information as to what the game is or when it is coming out. i have been told that if i pull some Karate Kid Daniel-son type of shit and catch 14 live flies with chopsticks then i can obtain this information. my record is only 12 flies, so a level 8 i shall remain. Mr. Miyagi was always too drunk to train me.

"where my sistas? where my sistas at?"

check em out:

"so, i've decided to take my work underground"

i will also be participating in the upcoming Vinyl Toy Network in Pasadena on Sunday May 6th. the last one was in December and was a blast. i will be there signing and drawing for anyone who wants me to sign and draw for them. a few of the things i will be signing: women's bras, vinyl sex toys, blank checks, qees, prosthetic arms, golf clubs, dead plants, and pictures of 2pac. things i won't be signing: men's bras, flip flops, pictures of Principal Belding, toothless gerbils, toothpaste, toothbrushes, and lemons. i will also be playing the harmonica and dancing like a flapper later in the afternoon(at the same time). so yeah, come and say hi...or come and yell at me...or just stay home and yell at your stationary bicycle for being lazy and unambitious like it's other siblings.

"just how damaged have i become?"

also on the horizon for me is a pretty cool show in silverlake at Monkeyhouse toys(fuck, i hope i spelled the name of the place right) that i will be participating in. the show is in June and is called Cereal Killers(or maybe Serial Killers?). basically, artists are going to provide their version/interpretation of classic cereal box characters. should be a good time. i was going to do a custom toy, but i have decided to do a wood panel painting instead. definitely looking forward to this one, i am gonna start sketching out my ideas this week.

"i used to watch my grandmother catch the holy ghost in church"

ok, well i have to go eat some breakfast for dinner and watch amazing race. i also apparently have to learn how to become a mechanic(before tomorrow morning) because half of the lights on my truck decided not to work. i think they are on strike and it has something to do with fidel castro and the bay of pigs. but they were yelling at me in cuban and i can only speak french, so fuck them(and if you know how to speak cuban, tell me how to tell them to fuck off and get back to work and then how to tell them to roll me a cigar). i am going to hire scab workers to replace them in the meantime.

"yes indeedy, i wrote graffiti on the bus"

good luck and happy thanksgiving. the rabbit stuffing was delicious.


Sunday, March 25, 2007

sunday morning coming down

so, i have been working hard on my 8-bit piece. i am working harder than those old people you see "jogging" in pools. they piss me off. if you try to swim around them, you usually get kicked with their nasty old crusty feet or their deadly sharp toe-nails. i know a guy who knows a guy who caught dysentary from a toe-nail cut. he is alive, but skinny.

i have some sneaky peeks for you guys of my upcoming piece in 8-bit. to be honest, i have no idea if i am supposed to show anything or not. so here are 3 little teasers. one is a picture of the painting and 2 are sketchbook segments.

"clean sweep" is a cool show. i enjoy living in a country where people accumulate so much shit that "professionals" have to come into their homes and assist them in throwing away previously mentioned shit. "what not to wear" is also quite entertaining. the sad thing is, i usually prefer how the people look before they were put thru the turd-polisher. god bless america.

listen to some ghostface killah,

Monday, March 19, 2007

excited for 8-bit (and the end of the world)

i am at work. i am supposed to be working. but i don't really want to. so i am not. simple as that. but don't tell them. or else i will get fired. and then you will see me at the freeway exits. or maybe on-ramps. begging for spare change. or selling mangos. maybe bottles of water. and if you didn't give me any money that would be okay. i would have a secret bag of slightly rotting mangos laying around. and i would throw them at your windshield. and if your window was down i would throw them at you. maybe. depends.

so, after months of pestering this company in Germany, i finally received my copy of "Dot Dot Dash". one of my gwins is featured in there. i can't recall the page that i am on right now. i also can't recall the name of the German company, so i am going to officially re-name them Der Fittzschnozzle. i have to say that it is a pretty good overall book, showcasing a lot of the "urban vinyl" figures that have been released over the past couple of years. definitely awesome to be a part of such a cool book. it's a nice thick hard cover book. i use it as a booster seat when i drive. it makes me look taller. i hear that tall guys are afraid of midgets.

i had the pleasure of being a part of the Tempt One benefit show in Culver City on March 10, 2007. URB magazine was the sponsor, and it was very well put together. scroll down to see the 2 pieces i had in the show(from my previous entry). when i dropped off the artwork at URB's office down on Wilshire, the elevator had a flat screen TV in it showing entertainment news and stock quotes. i rode the elevator for about 14 minutes watching TV. did you know that Nicole Ritchie was clinically dead for 28 minutes, but Paris Hilton sprinkled magical STD dust on her and she immediately came back to life? me neither, but that is what the mystical flat screen tv elevator told me. i believe everything i see on elevator TV's. they aren't allowed to lie. the FCC says so.

finished up a comission canvas for a gentleman in Italy a few weeks ago. it is 11" x 14", acrylic on canvas. i like how it turned out. the title of it is "The Great Race, Part 1". everyone wants to know if this is the first in a long series of race canvases. of course it is. unless i decide it isn't.

i am currently working on a few things. a t-shirt design for ava. more graff work for rockstar games. and best of all, i am in the middle of painting my submission for the "I am 8-bit" show. i think it is shaping up to be my best work so far. it will be 13" x 17" on wood panel. and it will be framed. no sneak peeks yet, i have only roughed in the design with fingerpaints so far.

oh, good news! i started taking some pills i ordered from canada. i am currently growing new tentacles. right now i have 15, but i need a few more. you should see me juggle. the only side effects so far have been muscle weakness. and short-term memory loss. and anal leakage. oh, and everything tastes like grape kool-aid. always keep an eye on the canadians. they are too quiet. i am sure they are up to something sneaky. also keep an eye on erections that last for longer than 4 hours.

thanks for tuning in. have some grapefruit.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

My Space and Video Games

Greetings from my space. So I am way behind the curve on this one, everyone's been nagging me to set up a myspace account, telling me how awesome it is. Well, I finally checked it out, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Seems like a pretty low quality program to me. I went ahead and set up a myspace page at to use for networking, advertising, staying in contact with people, etc. Check it out when you get a chance(if you are interested). Be my friend, I only have one friend right now, it's this pervert named Tom. He looks creepy, and he has already propositioned me for sex.

As for work related news, I just wrapped up a project I have been doing with Rockstar Games. Their website is I did some background graffiti art work for an upcoming game. I wish i could tell you about the game and when it is coming out, but i can't. You have to be a super secret level 9 ninja to obtain this confidential information, and sadly i am only a level 8 ninja. I can't wait to see what my graff looks like in a video game. I did 5 total pieces for the game, here are my 2 most favorite ones:

As for other work, I am wrapping up a comission canvas that I think is turning out great. I am also getting some work ready for the upcoming "I am 8 bit" art show in April at Gallery 1988 on Melrose ( ). Super stoked to be a part of this one, will definitely be devoting a few hours to brushing up on my old NES games.
Well, that's all for now. I should go paint, but the outside world looks nice today.